A brother in her eyes

Cindy longs to see your face
without a clue of what your features look like
She looks for you, her missing brother
without your knowledge she stares and gazes
what she sees
of what she recalls
with the eyes of an eleven year old
you, her only brother
her companion and playmate
her hero
simply now
a brother in her eyes

56 Years ago today

You were born.

Happy 56th Birthday 

My dear brother

Wherever you are

Know that we await your return

Not your intention

Tell me it was not your intention...

It was not your intention for tears to swell in my eyes when I see a brother and sister together

It was not your intention for you to hurt me so much

It was not your intention to make me dwell on the past

It was not your intention to make me think about you every single day

It just was not your intention for the memories we once shared to be forgotten

It was not your intention to stay away so long

It just was not your intention for this to turn out as it has

My intentions are to keep writing to you

To let you know that we still love you

We miss you

We 

I

the intentions we have are many

most good ones

but quickly forgotten

few bad ones

inadvertently remembered

Memories can be saved

Just intend to have a happy ending one day

Let's agree to attend to our intentions

Soon

If it were you...

What would you do?

Think back to when you were 11 years old
What was your favorite memory?
Your favorite song?
favorite show?

Now imagine you had an older brother

just one brother

and one day he decides to go for an outing with his friends

but he never comes back

Fast forward 40 years

You learn that his disappearance was not a mystery at all

but rather intentional


What would you think about that?

Would you look for him?

Would you want to know why he ran away?

Or

Would it be best to leave it alone?

Leave it in God's hands?

1975

June 29th

You and dad wake up early in the morning

Dad drove you off to the Ayala's house for a trip to Corpus

you met your (then) girlfriend there, Betty Jean Witherspoon 

 Betty's friend Ana Ayala, Ana's boyfriend Nick Diaz and his little sister

Ana's parents and uncle were also on this trip

You drove off to what we thought was a one day fishing trip

That evening, we got a call

There had been an accident

Kids swam out too far in the ocean at Matagorda beach

Some man in a boat brought in the girls from the ocean

You were never seen again

We drove out that night

Visited Mrs. Ayala at the hotel with Betty Jean and Ana

According to them, you just disappeared

Is this right Junior? Is this a true account of what really happened?

Dad knew what to expect, had you drowned, being in the Coast Guard and all

Should I wish you a "happy" 40th anniversary of when...

This would just be absurd.

I can tell you that 40 years is a long time.

I have always known that you are still alive to this day.

Our cousins especially know this.

We can certainly deal with matters from way back when

now that we have grown a bit older, don't you think?

Give me just one reason to stop believing and I will

Anyone, feel free to make me stop believing

Enough with the lies

Enough with the covering up

It is what it is

But we still don't know

 on this side

over here without you

 what exactly that is

 since you are not here

 to share those details with us

I will never forget you

Just make me try

In 39 days...40 years

Junior,

39 days from now will mark the 40th year since you have left us.

With age comes wisdom and I would assume that you have had enough

 time to let go of the past and make amends with your family, your real 

family, your 'pre-June 29th, 1975' family.

It is no lie that at times I get frustrated and do not understand why you 

have done such a thing.

Maybe this 40th year I will just have to let go and let God.

I have gone public about this in hopes to find something out, but so far, 

to no avail.

Food for thought: 

Ya que se fue nuestro Tío Miguel...

                       Recojiendo a mis hijos

(un poema escrito por mí, en la “voz” de nuestra abuela, Herminia Felán Realme, ya que su primer hijo ha muerto de nuestras vidas- En paz descanse, Tío Miguel)

Recuerdas los momentos cuando te acaraciaba tu carita

Caulquiera cosita que necesitabas, Te lo di

Nunca me molestabas

Tu sonrisa la tengo en mí memoria

Tus manos las sigo deteniendo

Te seguí queriendo aunque ya de grande

Tuviste que estar con tu familia

Te vi creciendo

Me viste vejezando

La vida siguió

Y yo ahora empiezo a recojer a mis hijitos

No temes morirte porque alli estaré

Esperándote para seguir amándote

Uno por uno regresarán a mí Lado

Simplemente la vida sigue porque ahora

estoy recojiendo a mis hijos

Por Tingy Lingy Cindy

Saying goodbye...

 On April 10th, we had no choice but to bid our Tío Miguel goodbye. It is never easy having to let someone in your life, go.
This picture of our Dad and Tío was taken in April of 1973. You were still amongst us, Junior.
You were still in our daily lives.
All your Aunts and Uncles never stopped believing in your possible return. Unfortunately for Tío Mike, he will not ever know of this possible reality that we await.
May he rest in peace.