This past June 29th, 2013, was as any other day to many people but for mom and I, we wake up reliving the memories of our actions that day to the minute. It's hard for me to think of what mom is exactly thinking and going through, especially living alone, and it doesn't sit quite well with me. But we know what each other is actually doing without a word- we can simply look at each other and sigh a heavy breath and know exactly what we are feeling.
So this year, June 29th was a Saturday just like the day we last saw you and from the moment I awakened at 5 am I immediately saw myself peeking through those blinds and seeing you in dad's car driving out of the carport. You were yawning so big, you were so sleepy still and the fishing rod was in the car with you in the front seat.
On that day, 38 years ago, we went to Tio Kiko's to BBQ for 4th of July and everyone asked "where's junior?" and we told everyone that you went out with your friends and their family to the coast and you would be back soon. All our cousins were running around, playing outside in the hot sun, getting dirty and just having fun eating outside.
This past June 29th, Saturday, around 5pm the memories of us getting home from that BBQ surge in as in heavy salty waves- the ones you don't want to be in when swimming in the ocean. Wave after wave of memories from when we got home and answered the phone and got the news that they could not find you and Dad, standing there, holding the phone, with his arm across his forehead, his face facing the back door, pounding on the wall with his fist and crying. I didn't know what was going on, I was in my room looking at my pink tennis outfit I was to wear on my first tennis lesson at San Pedro Park. The next memory wave of a heavy hearted feeling when Dad told Mom, "we are leaving as soon as Sam and Rosie get here". I wondered where we were going but Dad didn't talk to me anymore, his mind was somewhere else.
This is a memory of the past and it's one that belongs to us and I am sure that everyone else in our family has their own recollections of what they were doing when you became missing. Everyone's wave of memories are different and heartfelt just as ours and I just wonder what you went through.
Can this dark memory of ours ever disappear? No one can tell I am sure but you on the other hand have the knowledge of those details surrounding your disappearance and it would be nice to get it all out in the open to solve this mystery.
Everyday I pray for you and the life you have chosen for yourself and for us because like it or not it is a domino effect on all of us but at night, before you go to bed, pray these words our Grandmother left us, these words she recited at 95 years of age before she passed just 2 days after what would have been our grandparents wedding anniversary in 2009, also 3 days before June 29th:
"O angel santo de mi guarda, ya ves que entregándome al sueño, voy a ponerme en estado que no puedo cuidar de mí, por eso necesito mas ahora de tu asistencia y cuidado. No permitas, santo Angel mío, que me domine el poder de las tinieblas, líbrame de sueños pesados, impuros y molestos en contra de mí, que al despertar por la mañana, no dejes que el demonio me robe las primicias del día, que no surgiere pensamiento alguno que afecte al que me lleve todo al corazón de mi creador. Amen. Dios conmigo, y yo con él, Diosito delante y yo detrás de él. La Santísima Cruz vaya delante de mí y El Señor que murió en élla, hable y responda por mí y aplaque los corazones que estén en contra de mí."
THESE ARE YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S VERY WORDS- SAY THEM EVERY NIGHT, JUNIOR, AND DONT FORGET THAT WE STILL LOVE YOU AND ARE WAITING FOR YOU TO COME HOME SOON.
Since you haven't seen me in 38 years, I will post some pictures of what you have missed in seeing your little sister growing up and now growing older.............
