Holding back

What comprises a possible act of heroism? The fact that one acts upon a thought or impulse or the fact that one ponders the outcome of that impulse?
Easily can I communicate with one of those persons that went with my brother to what is implied as his last trip to the beach- Matagorda Beach to be specific.
Most importantly, that my mother knows that I can easily communicate with this person is even more devastating for me and approves my impulsive thoughts.
Would it be an intrusion on this person's life? Now I'm thinking about it too much and no longer is it an impulse. Yes, of course it would be an intrusion. Maybe they have forgotten about my brother already. Doubtful, though. It's sad to have to think that I need to bring this up so many years later and see if they know of any details that can lead us to settle this mysterious disappearance. In case you don't know what I'm writing about, you need to go to the beginning of the blog and read from My Intention.
Arriving at this landmark age of half a century today and knowing I had my brother for only 11 of those years, makes me want to jump out of this nightmare we have been living since June 29, 1975 and just end it. Be what may, good or bad, we need to know just what happened to Junior, aka my only brother, Roger. Let's see if I can do it. Let's see if I can communicate with this person and get some answers about the past.

37th in 2012

37 years ago today was the last time I ever saw you, when I peeked out those blinds and saw you drive off with dad that early morning to meet with Betty Witherspoon, Nick Diaz, his sister, Ana Ayala and her family;

37 years ago today was the last time I ever heard your voice talking to mom in the kitchen before you left with dad;

37 years ago today was the last time I ever had my brother to laugh with, to play with, to fight over Snicker's candy bars with;

37 years ago today was the last time I was a sibling, left to be an only child;

37 years ago today was the last time I got to love my brother with that last look of him through those blinds;

For these past 37 years, it's as if mom and I have been living a surreal dream- one we are wanting to wake up from- one we are no longer wanting to part of- one that we want to end;

For God's sake and mom's please just pick up the phone and call her- she is waiting for you to call her- she's actually expecting it- she will be fine believe me- she has so much faith in God that you will return to her and hopefully with a handful of grandkids that she so desperately wants to see;

37 years ago today began the story of what is yours, mine, mom's, our uncles and aunts and our cousins;

37 years ago today- June 29th, 1975, was the saddest day for all of us.

God bless you Junior, wherever you may be and I just hope that for these past 37 years you have not forgotten who your family is, where you came from and that we expect you home very, very soon.

37 years is a long time ago, but it's as if it were just this morning, when I peeked out my blinds here at home and I saw you and dad driving out from our little driveway at our little home on Woodlawn street. That image will forever be engraved in my mind.

37 years ago today was the last day I ever got to see your big, beautiful eyes, so sleepy that I wondered why you had to go on that trip; I wondered why you didn't just come back inside and go to sleep because it was so early in the morning;

37 years ago today you could have seen me at my 1st tennis lesson; you could have been with the whole family and Tio Kiko's BBQ................

Upon arrival

Upon arrival at Matagorda Beach, we went directly to the hotel where Ms. Ayala and the girls were staying. Strange thing though, I don't recall seeing the Mr. or her Ana's Uncle or Nick there. I believe they may have been in a separate room but they didn't show up to see us when we got there. It was as if it was no big deal, they were back safe and you were no where to be found. I wonder now, how could they live with themselves after this? They were responsible for another human life, yours, and they failed. There was just not very much to talk about. They just kept saying that they went too far into the water swimming, that apparently you got tired and decided to swim back, that one girl got pulled out by some man in a fishing boat, and that when they got back to the beach, you were not there.
It was late so we got a room and slept until morning to begin our search for you. More of our family members began arriving to help the next day.