50th Anniversary coming soon…

The list

 When I prayed this morning before her surgery 

I asked God to please be with her 

Then I called on my abuelos, 

Güelita y güelito por favor protégenla 

Tía Chita, Tía Anita

Prima Neddy, primos Ismael y Roberto,

Tía Mine, Tío Miguel

Y por fin mi Tío Freddy

La lista es muy larga me digo yo

Not many left now and we are bereft

She came tumbling down

Brother, brother what do I do?

Our mom is aging but where are you?

To see what her body can and cannot do

All while her emotions aspire to still see you

A tumble, a fall will not change her thoughts

She’s stuck in time from when her son got dropped off

To a venture of a lifetime no one expected

And she still awaiting to see you again

Now she’s been equipped with titanium 

For the broken bones mended in her arm

I wish it were that simple to heal a broken heart

For these years have distanced us further apart

Her Hope filled heart seem hopeless to me

To see our mom age with despair in her heart

For she only longs to see her son once again

The very reason she doesn’t want to leave her home

For she feels she’s leaving you once again

I hope one day you can feel the titanium in her arm

Caress your head

November 11, 2023

 Our Tío Freddy passed away November 11, 2023. He lost an earthly battle with liver cancer. His soul now lives a new life with all our loved ones who have passed through this life. He was ever hopeful to see you again. Hope remains my dear brother of 11 1/2 years. Mom is very devastated that her baby brother is now gone. Mom was waiting for a miracle to heal his body. Wish you could be here to console her. 

The following poem I wrote when our oldest Tío Miguel passed away. I wrote this for our Güelita Herminia as she reunites with her children in heaven.

Shown on next posting…

Life has ended but hope remains

    Recojiendo a mis hijos

(un poema escrito por mí, en la “voz” de nuestra abuela, Herminia Felán Realme, ya que su primer hijo ha muerto de nuestras vidas- En paz descanse, Tío Miguel)

Recuerdas los momentos cuando te acaraciaba tu carita

Caulquiera cosita que necesitabas, Te lo di

Nunca me molestabas

Tu sonrisa la tengo en mí memoria 

Tus manos las sigo deteniendo

Te seguí queriendo aunque ya de grande 

Tuviste que estar con tu familia

Te vi creciendo 

Me viste vejezando

La vida siguió

Y yo ahora empiezo a recojer a mis hijitos

No temes morirte porque alli estaré

Esperándote para seguir amándote 

Uno por uno regresarán a mí Lado

Simplemente la vida sigue porque ahora

estoy recojiendo a mis hijos

Unfathomable 2020 unhappy new year 2021

 Rest in peace:

Ana Maria Felan Realme

January 1st 2021

Nereida De La Fuente

January 4th 2021

Herminia Realme Esparza

February 9th 2021

Your best friend, Fernando Perez

https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/san-antonio-tx/fernando-perez-9224263?utm_source=obit_alerts&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=obit_detail&utm_content=view_updates_button#remembering

Fernando joined his heavenly family on June 15, 2020

45 years ago

Year 45
45 years ago we woke up in a hotel at Matagorda Beach.
At this time we were already on the beach talking to deputies from the Sheriff's office.
Since the holiday celebration of the 4th of July was around the corner, we were told it would be hard to search for you. Of course their assumptions were that your body was somewhere drowned in the ocean. But we did the best we could. Dad hired a company to do an air sweep over the waters to look for your body. He even called in the US Coast Guard, since he was a US CG man, and both resulted in nothing. The sheriff's department assured us that whatever drowns in the ocean does return to the beach as a pair of young siblings had just drowned and were found.
We had no clue what was awaiting for us once we returned home.
The mysterious phone calls, my best friend seeing you at the Frontier Burger on Bandera and Woodlawn Ave, mom and I seeing you pass by our house (and more than once ) so we knew we were not seeing things. We knew it was you.
Waiting for you, brother, just do it, come home

60 Years ago today

I can see how easy it is to forget to keep up when one is caught up in living the rat race.
It is sad when I take mom to the store and for several weeks now she has been telling me, "Aye, mija, le tengo que comprar una tarjeta a mijo  para sus sesenta años".
Her hope and dreams of seeing you again are as a little child's. She never gives it up.
Whatever,
dear brother that I have not seen since June 29th, 1975,
whatever you do today on your birthday, do not forget  your mother who had you...

¿Crees que te he olvidado?

¿Cómo podré olvidar a mi único hermano?

En realidad, lo fuiste

y en realidad, te huiste

escapando la vida con nosotras 

haciendo la vida sin nosotras

olvidadas para siempre 

creo que no

un día, mi hermano, se sabrá la verdad

Mira esto ye piénsalo bien:

En sinceridad, ¿lo querías hacerlo?
Dejarnos sin explicación
dejarnos con dudas
dejarnos
dejadas

Missing is what missing does

Your birthday last Christmas Eve was not forgotten
It has not been missing from our lives for the last 43 years
It is amazing how mom still sees her son come home one day
She is so hopeful
So patient
So faithful
The emptiness
that anxious feeling in one's gut when there is nothing you can do
Nothing you can say
the overwhelming sense of helplessness
is where missing is what missing does
Missing from our daily lives
missing from new memories
missing is what missing does

Feliz cumpleaños

Hace 54 años que Dios te dió una hermanita

y con esa hermanita te divertiste mucho

me cuenta nuestra madre todo lo que hiciste

porque tú querías tanto a tu hermanita

Hace 43 años que me diste un abrazo para mi cumpleaños

te vi abriendo los brazos

te vi tan alto

pensé que mi hermano, 

tan alto y guapo, 

me iba a dar a mi un abrazo

pues y ¿por qué no? si era mi cumpleaños 

Después de ese último abrazo que me diste

Nunca hubiera pensado que fuera mi último abrazo

ya mi cumpleaños no es feliz

porque todavía busco los abrazos de mi hermano

los brazos del amor de un hermano que tuve alguna vez

As the years go by...

Junior,
Just as you and I were once siblings, and now by no choice of mine, we are no longer sharing a life journey, all I can do is let you know what is going on with our family, one that by your choice, you have disappeared from.
Our Tía Nancy Rodriguez, our dad's sister, passed away last week. She now joins her son, Adam, our cousin. Mom had a dream of dad just a couple of days before as if to acknowledge he had a special key for someone. Then Tía passed away. Our prayers go out to our family in need right now. You are still family, like it or not and I will continue to talk to you, wait for you...
Your little sister,
Cindy

K.I T.

A word to the missing brother...

Keeping in touch is of vital interest for us since our lives have advanced 42 years...

Not by choice...

We are still frozen in disbelief...

Getting out of this will take a miracle...

One you possess in your hands...

Maria de Jesus Felan Realme (De La Fuente) Leon

R. I. P. 

Obituary

Junior,

September 27th was a very sad day for us. Our oldest Aunt, Tía Chita, passed away early that morning. Our cousins, Neddy and Richard, were right by her side. So many people came to visit her and pay their respects. She was honored by so many. It is still unbelievable and time just keeps pushing us forward, not allowing us to hold our breath and see if we can change things or freeze. I will never forget what our Tía Chita did for us especially when you went missing. You will not remember because you were not on this side of the mysterious happenings of your whereabouts. Tía took care of me when Mom and Dad were out doing whatever they could to find you. Never mind that she had her  own 5 kids to look after, she did not mind another kid to look after. I loved her very much and I know that she felt deeply sad over your disappearance. It would have been nice to know something about you before she left us, but like everyone else keeps saying, don't look to the past, it is over. Well, not for me. I will continue to cherish her memory. And yours.

Voices

To hear her voice,
You dial that number.
You now know she is okay.
You may know more than what we do.
That is obvious by now.
After 41 years,
The courage becomes a crutch
because the only thing that you can do now
to hear her voice
is to dial that number.
Don't think she does not know-
It is the first thing she thinks about.
she knows it is you.

A brother in her eyes

Cindy longs to see your face
without a clue of what your features look like
She looks for you, her missing brother
without your knowledge she stares and gazes
what she sees
of what she recalls
with the eyes of an eleven year old
you, her only brother
her companion and playmate
her hero
simply now
a brother in her eyes

56 Years ago today

You were born.

Happy 56th Birthday 

My dear brother

Wherever you are

Know that we await your return

Not your intention

Tell me it was not your intention...

It was not your intention for tears to swell in my eyes when I see a brother and sister together

It was not your intention for you to hurt me so much

It was not your intention to make me dwell on the past

It was not your intention to make me think about you every single day

It just was not your intention for the memories we once shared to be forgotten

It was not your intention to stay away so long

It just was not your intention for this to turn out as it has

My intentions are to keep writing to you

To let you know that we still love you

We miss you

We 

I

the intentions we have are many

most good ones

but quickly forgotten

few bad ones

inadvertently remembered

Memories can be saved

Just intend to have a happy ending one day

Let's agree to attend to our intentions

Soon

If it were you...

What would you do?

Think back to when you were 11 years old
What was your favorite memory?
Your favorite song?
favorite show?

Now imagine you had an older brother

just one brother

and one day he decides to go for an outing with his friends

but he never comes back

Fast forward 40 years

You learn that his disappearance was not a mystery at all

but rather intentional


What would you think about that?

Would you look for him?

Would you want to know why he ran away?

Or

Would it be best to leave it alone?

Leave it in God's hands?