45 years ago

Year 45
45 years ago we woke up in a hotel at Matagorda Beach.
At this time we were already on the beach talking to deputies from the Sheriff's office.
Since the holiday celebration of the 4th of July was around the corner, we were told it would be hard to search for you. Of course their assumptions were that your body was somewhere drowned in the ocean. But we did the best we could. Dad hired a company to do an air sweep over the waters to look for your body. He even called in the US Coast Guard, since he was a US CG man, and both resulted in nothing. The sheriff's department assured us that whatever drowns in the ocean does return to the beach as a pair of young siblings had just drowned and were found.
We had no clue what was awaiting for us once we returned home.
The mysterious phone calls, my best friend seeing you at the Frontier Burger on Bandera and Woodlawn Ave, mom and I seeing you pass by our house (and more than once ) so we knew we were not seeing things. We knew it was you.
Waiting for you, brother, just do it, come home

60 Years ago today

I can see how easy it is to forget to keep up when one is caught up in living the rat race.
It is sad when I take mom to the store and for several weeks now she has been telling me, "Aye, mija, le tengo que comprar una tarjeta a mijo  para sus sesenta años".
Her hope and dreams of seeing you again are as a little child's. She never gives it up.
Whatever,
dear brother that I have not seen since June 29th, 1975,
whatever you do today on your birthday, do not forget  your mother who had you...

¿Crees que te he olvidado?

¿Cómo podré olvidar a mi único hermano?

En realidad, lo fuiste

y en realidad, te huiste

escapando la vida con nosotras 

haciendo la vida sin nosotras

olvidadas para siempre 

creo que no

un día, mi hermano, se sabrá la verdad

Mira esto ye piénsalo bien:

En sinceridad, ¿lo querías hacerlo?
Dejarnos sin explicación
dejarnos con dudas
dejarnos
dejadas

Missing is what missing does

Your birthday last Christmas Eve was not forgotten
It has not been missing from our lives for the last 43 years
It is amazing how mom still sees her son come home one day
She is so hopeful
So patient
So faithful
The emptiness
that anxious feeling in one's gut when there is nothing you can do
Nothing you can say
the overwhelming sense of helplessness
is where missing is what missing does
Missing from our daily lives
missing from new memories
missing is what missing does

Feliz cumpleaños

Hace 54 años que Dios te dió una hermanita

y con esa hermanita te divertiste mucho

me cuenta nuestra madre todo lo que hiciste

porque tú querías tanto a tu hermanita

Hace 43 años que me diste un abrazo para mi cumpleaños

te vi abriendo los brazos

te vi tan alto

pensé que mi hermano, 

tan alto y guapo, 

me iba a dar a mi un abrazo

pues y ¿por qué no? si era mi cumpleaños 

Después de ese último abrazo que me diste

Nunca hubiera pensado que fuera mi último abrazo

ya mi cumpleaños no es feliz

porque todavía busco los abrazos de mi hermano

los brazos del amor de un hermano que tuve alguna vez

As the years go by...

Junior,
Just as you and I were once siblings, and now by no choice of mine, we are no longer sharing a life journey, all I can do is let you know what is going on with our family, one that by your choice, you have disappeared from.
Our Tía Nancy Rodriguez, our dad's sister, passed away last week. She now joins her son, Adam, our cousin. Mom had a dream of dad just a couple of days before as if to acknowledge he had a special key for someone. Then Tía passed away. Our prayers go out to our family in need right now. You are still family, like it or not and I will continue to talk to you, wait for you...
Your little sister,
Cindy

K.I T.

A word to the missing brother...

Keeping in touch is of vital interest for us since our lives have advanced 42 years...

Not by choice...

We are still frozen in disbelief...

Getting out of this will take a miracle...

One you possess in your hands...