Now that I have become a Facebook enthusiast, my time is well spent there. I truly cherish seeing my family as they are now, and even more so, seeing old photos of them as they once were. It's even more important to me that I get to save a bit of their history and make it my own.
This history of what has been, memories embedded, and the quotes of today mixed in with today's social media is overwhelming at times.
I saved this post I saw on Facebook that a friend or family shared with me and felt it very appropriate for my blog.
This is the first posting since the new year 2014 began and I need to keep things fresh.
What I have done for you, Junior, is maybe not so much for you but for me, your little sister.
I see you in this picture above. If I were older than you, I may have been able to prevent this "MYSTERY" lived and replayed everyday of our lives.
Since I have been posting many pictures of you on my Facebook and have let many friends, family even strangers know about MY MISSING BROTHER, I have been keeping up with certain individuals closely involved with you right before your "DISAPPEARANCE".
I have written two letters to Betty Jean Witherspoon R., one before Christmas and one before Valentine's Day. During this stretch of time, I kept in contact with one of our cousins. I believe the persistence I have in finding you has hit home and he felt compelled to allow me to know certain truths to your "MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE".
I cannot tell you just how much it saddens me to learn that you actually ran away from home. That you planned to leave home. That you and dad did not have a very happy relationship. That our dad did not have a good relationship with many of our family members. That he had a drinking problem.
I know that many of my family members jaw's may be hitting the floor right now, but in all due respect, I have to do what I have to do, or as a great man, my husband, says often, "It is what it is".
The culture and times of our childhood were very different of the teens of today. We did not have many of these digital, technological, social mediums and media to deal with that can either be used for or against you. I think it's pretty obvious that I am using it to my advantage because I need you to come back to who you left behind. We need to heal together, to catch up on life, to at least know who we are now, what has been during these 38 years, 8 months and 14 days.
It's no joy ride growing up. Either for us in the driver seat or for us having no choice but going for the ride thrust upon us. Whatever our role, it really does take a village to help a child through changes during their life and it still takes a village to help those left behind and live with the questions of why?
The answers to many of my questions have been answered knowing this profound piece of evidence, knowing that you left intentionally. It didn't make sense to me why I saw you sitting in that brown car parked right in front of our house on Woodlawn St., or that my best friend saw you at the burger place on Bandera and Woodlawn and called us when she got home to see if you were home already, that dad saw your writing on the ditch concrete wall in back of our home, that we received many phone calls where we could hear your voice, that Betty wanted to tell me something at Holy Rosary Church but Ana prevented her from telling me.
It all makes sense now. Everything, even the guilt our dad must have felt that lead him to end his life.
However harsh this may sound, it just all makes sense, and I am very thankful that my cousin found the strength to tell me. He has been living with this for so long and it's been weighing on him heavily. I am glad he finally got it out. He did try to tell others in our family at that time but no one believed him or it was felt best to keep it hidden from me. We were young then, but not anymore.
I can tell you that we did everything to look for you. Dad had the Coast Guard out there, investigators from Matagorda Beach and he even rented those special planes that have special equipment to see down deep in the ocean. That story of you drowning did not pan out. No proof in the water at all.
You were a good swimmer, I knew that and that is why this whole story just never made sense to me.
I cannot tell you the big void we all have in our hearts without you here. It can be mended, though, if only you can make that decision.
I know now that you had your reasons for leaving. I know now that you were hurting. I didn't know it then but I do know it now.
We still love you dearly and do want to see you return home soon. No matter what, we are here for you.
If the Prodigal Son can do it, so can you.
WHAT IF YOU PLANNED A GREAT ESCAPE?
WHAT IF YOU INTENDED TO DISAPPEAR?
WHAT IF IT WERE ALL PLANNED ALL ALONG?
TO GET AWAY FROM SOMETHING
SOMEONE
WHAT IF SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH OUR FAMILY?
SOMETHING SO WRONG YOU WOULDN'T WANT YOUR LITTLE SISTER TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT
WHAT IF YOU CHOSE TO JUST LEAVE RATHER THAN BARE AN UGLY TRUTH?
WHAT IF YOU HAD SO MUCH HATRED FOR SOMEONE THAT YOU JUST
RANAWAY?
WHAT IF YOU NEVER INTENDED FOR DAD TO TAKE HIS OWN LIFE?
WHAT IF YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO GET A MESSAGE ACROSS TO HIM?
WHAT IF YOU DIDN'T AGREE WITH HIS PARENTAL UPBRINGING?
WHAT IF THE TRUTH WOULD JUST BE TOO HARSH TO BARE?
WHAT IF?
WHAT IF IT WAS ALL A MISTAKE, THAT IT'S JUST TOO BIG TO TAKE BACK?
WHAT IF YOU JUST LET US KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT WHY YOU LEFT?
WHAT IF OUR FAMILY WOULD FINALLY BE REUNITED JUST BECAUSE YOU DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO LET US KNOW WHY THIS ALL HAPPENED?
WHAT IF IT WERE JUST ABOUT TIME?
THESE WHAT IF'S SEEM TO OUTWEIGH THE REALITY OF A POSSIBLE REUNION
AND WE ARE MORE THAN EAGER TO JUST REUNITE
