November 15, 2012

This day marked my 49th birthday. I haven't seen you since I was 11. Don't you think it's about time we reunite? You may not recognize me, of course, after 38 years, who would? Just a thought hermano. Si la tristeza grece durante los annos, quien nos puede salvar?

A tailgate party forms the past

I still wonder why you didn't attend Holy Cross HS since we lived so close to it, anyhow, I did see one of your friends from Little Flower school, Danny De Luna. He recognized my husband, who also attended Little Flower, and that is how the conversation began. As soon as he mentioned that he graduated from Holy Cross in 1978, I asked him if he remembered you and he said "yeah, the one that drowned, right?" and I mentioned to him that we believe you are alive to this day. I explained to him how you were seen by many people after your disappearance and I told him that even Betty and Ana saw you at San Pedro park but by the time they went to go get Ana's mom to have her see you for herself, you were already gone. Danny now works for the county Sheriff's department and it was just great seeing someone from back then, someone that remembered you.

More pet stories

Our dog Spotty

You can obviously tell it was you, Junior, who took this picture of our dog Spotty. You can see your shadow on the ground. I'm not sure what kind of breed he was but I just remember he being a very good dog to us, very gentle and protective and not at all hostile with our neighbors. Spotty lived to be very old. He got to make the move with mom and I after dad passed away. He took good care of us until he quietly died. He never led us to suspect he was going to leave us. He even died while doing what he did best, surveying the back yard and that is where he was found, standing under some hanging bushes by a stone wall in our back yard, hiding his face from us, as if he did not want to see us look at him as he slipped away or he did not want to say good bye to us, either. Spotty was the dog we got when dad traded our big white German Shepherd Bozo for him because Bozo use to jump over the fence and chase the post man away! Bozo also chewed up my Mrs. Beasley doll. (You know if you watch MeTV you can see that doll on the show called Family Affair.)  

"Snoopy for President"  click on this link to hear the song by The Royal Guardsmen

                                                                    Our dog Snoopy
Back in April of 1973, Snoopy was a puppy. I remember we were big fans of the comic Snoopy also and we even enjoyed listening to your 45 record of that song "Snoopy for President". When you left us 2 years and 2 months after you took this picture, Snoopy went on a hunt for you. He managed to get out of the yard some how and got run over one night but not just once, it appears twice as dad suspected. Snoopy was hurt badly and I remember when dad walked in the door and I saw his face, a face that said I don't want to say anything about what I just saw outside, but he came in to get a box and a towel and we went outside to put Snoopy in the box, very carefully, because he was bleeding and two legs were broken on his right side. We took him to the vet over on St. Cloud and Woodlawn, the one by the bank, and we waited for the vet to examine him. Dad and I waited in the waiting room for quite some time and the vet finally came out and told us that he was in very bad shape. He told us it would cost $800.00 to do surgery on him because of his broken bones. Dad and I just looked at each other and he had this look that told me that the surgery was not an option at all. Back then mom and dad were just paying $45.00 a month on the house payment for a new home! And the vet wanted $800.00? Then the vet gave us an option, and I thought it was going to be a good one, he said "Or we can put him to sleep". I looked at dad and said "Why does he want Snoopy to sleep right now? Snoopy is scared and thirsty and hungry." Dad just shook his head and told the doctor thanks, but we were just going to take him home with us. I eventually learned as I was growing up that the vet meant to kill him- put him to sleep forever- wow well that never crossed my mind.
I was so used to seeing dad taking care of everything and fixing everything for us and I just knew he could help Snoopy through this almost tragedy. We went to abuelita's house but on the way we stopped at the store to buy some frozen popsicles. When we got to the house, mom and I passed out popsicles for everyone to eat and then dad asked me to collect the little wooden sticks and wash them. While we were eating these popsicles, 'buelita gave Snoopy some left overs, probably of rice and beans, and he ate it up as if he hadn't eaten in days so he got his energy up and I recall dad saying that it was a good sign that he had his appetite back. Snoopy could not get around on his own and all the cousins were just looking at him in the box. Dad then came out to the back yard and brought some gauze tape and the wooden popsicle sticks already dried up from the wash and he made Snoopy a couple of splints over his legs. I could not believe what our dad had thought of and more than that- those splints worked! Snoopy limped around with those little make shift leg casts and he made it through like this until he completely healed from his back leg and his front one stayed with a little limp. Everyone was shocked to see that Snoopy actually survived.
Snoopy also joined mom and I on our move after dad passed away and he lived to be very old. I use to make him scrambled eggs and cream cheese in the morning and he just loved that. I was in my first year in college at SAC and I recall feeling something at around noon during English composition class and when I got home, I found Snoopy on the floor in our house. He waited to take his last breath when he saw me and I immediately called mom at work. Mom, well she began to cry over the phone and she took the rest of the day off from work to just be at home and think about Snoopy. To this day she does not want to take care of any puppy at all because she was so close to Snoopy.

37th in 2012

37 years ago today was the last time I ever saw you, when I peeked out those blinds and saw you drive off with dad that early morning to meet with Betty Witherspoon, Nick Diaz, his sister, Ana Ayala and her family;

37 years ago today was the last time I ever heard your voice talking to mom in the kitchen before you left with dad;

37 years ago today was the last time I ever had my brother to laugh with, to play with, to fight over Snicker's candy bars with;

37 years ago today was the last time I was a sibling, left to be an only child;

37 years ago today was the last time I got to love my brother with that last look of him through those blinds;

For these past 37 years, it's as if mom and I have been living a surreal dream- one we are wanting to wake up from- one we are no longer wanting to part of- one that we want to end;

For God's sake and mom's please just pick up the phone and call her- she is waiting for you to call her- she's actually expecting it- she will be fine believe me- she has so much faith in God that you will return to her and hopefully with a handful of grandkids that she so desperately wants to see;

37 years ago today began the story of what is yours, mine, mom's, our uncles and aunts and our cousins;

37 years ago today- June 29th, 1975, was the saddest day for all of us.

God bless you Junior, wherever you may be and I just hope that for these past 37 years you have not forgotten who your family is, where you came from and that we expect you home very, very soon.

37 years is a long time ago, but it's as if it were just this morning, when I peeked out my blinds here at home and I saw you and dad driving out from our little driveway at our little home on Woodlawn street. That image will forever be engraved in my mind.

37 years ago today was the last day I ever got to see your big, beautiful eyes, so sleepy that I wondered why you had to go on that trip; I wondered why you didn't just come back inside and go to sleep because it was so early in the morning;

37 years ago today you could have seen me at my 1st tennis lesson; you could have been with the whole family and Tio Kiko's BBQ................

Mother's day Father's day 2012

This last Mother's day was, as it has been, ever since you disappeared, a most unhappy one for our mom.
I cannot even imagine what mom feels on Mother's day- maybe it's just the same feeling she has felt since June 29, 1975.
I try to band-aid her emotions but nothing, absolutely nothing, works. She tries to make herself feel better by doing things to occupy herself but in reality, she spends so much of her time at church, in church, with the church, that it has become somewhat of a band-aid for her emotions.
I just know that, now as a mother myself, I would pretty much live in despair and find it very difficult to go through the motions of being happy, of being alive, of just being, but without someone that you loved so much with all your heart and soul.
It's just not fair that this day has to come every year, because year after year, mom is just reminded about mothering a most wonderful son she no longer has anymore, has no idea what has happened to him or has no definitive expectations of ever seeing him again.
It's just not a Happy Mother's day at all for mom without you here and that is why it has taken me a while to write this since last May but in all honesty, it would just be better if it never came around for her at all. No matter what I do, what I give her, what I write to her on her card, it's not closure to your chapter- your chapter is left opened and untouched for so long now.
Maybe one day soon...
And now with Father's day right around the corner, I must wonder, if you, as a father, would even think of unleashing the past and letting all be known for the sake of how our dad once felt about you. Mirror images of who we are and what we have become are unexpected but worth the rare occasion because we actually do become our parents in a weird way- we would never think of it as young kids but it's a reality that faces us with time and if you are a father- what is it you tell your kids about your past? About your family? Too much mystery cannot last forever.

More mystery

As I go through all these mementos that mom has collected for you, I stop and remember bits and pieces of what else occurred right after your disappearance. It is an overwhelming task but it's one I don't mind doing at all, if it means that you yourself are reading this or someone that you know may be reading this, because as I mentioned before, we believe you are alive.
We held a votive mass for you at Holy Rosary Church about two months after your disappearance. We did this to get everyone together and pray for you. Betty and Ana showed up. I remember crying uncontrollably in the foyer of the church after the mass, that it provoked Ana and Betty to take me into the ladies restroom to calm me down. I just remember them hovering over me, Ana holding my arm, and Betty telling Ana, and I quote what I heard, "We need to tell her!" Ana responded in an agitated voice "No! We can't tell her". All I know is that Ana looked quite upset with her eyes bulging out of her head expelling a most livid look from her face. Ana could not believe that Betty even said that to her in front of me. Since then, I knew there was some kind of secret lingering. I did not tell mom about it right away because I was still in shock about you and now trying to make sense of what I heard just complicated things for an 11 year old little girl.
As time went on, we sought out help from 'special' people. Maybe I already mentioned this before in my postings but we did seek out, in desperation, some kind of information about you and all we got was that they 'felt' or perceived or just knew by their God-given talent that you did not drown, that you were and are very much alive. One 'special' person even told us that they 'saw' you in a uniform. All I know is that we have looked for you here in the United States of course but maybe this disappearance appears to be without a trace because we have not sought you out in other countries. There is only so much we can do but I will not stop writing or posting until something comes up. I thank God for this medium of the internet that goes world-wide.
As Easter is approaching I hope you do reflect on all this and know that we have been major participants in this passion of suffering over your disappearance, and I am sure you have suffered also being apart from your family, but just as Easter symbolizes new life, we look forward to this day, soon, hopefully, and if it be God's will, of course.

April 4, 1932

Today marks what would be our dad's 80th birthday. Some of his memories include graduating from Lanier HS in 1950, being a frequent visitor of Playland park, being in the US Coast Guard, working at Fort Sam in the Topography department as a map maker. His best memory, of course, is being your dad, our dad and mom's best friend.
God bless you dad.

A note about our dad from Tio Raul:
Nice pictures. Your dad bought us a shoe shine kit, one with the wooden box and all the supplies. We used it at the house but never for what he intended..to make some money on Zarzamora St. He gave us pointers and where to go and what to do, but we were too timid and not hungry enough I guess.
Tio

Thanks, Tio Raul, for your reply, as a matter of fact it reminded me of a story that my Tia Mine Diaz told me about dad when he was a very young man. Dad did shine shoes in San Antonio on Zarzamora Street and he got to shine the shoes of a very famous actor/comedian: Mario Moreno aka "Cantinflas". Mr. Moreno gave dad a $5 bill for that shoe shine and back then, in the 1940's, that was a lot of money! Dad was also very meticulous with our shoes. We did not have many pairs but the shoes we did have he took very good care for us. I remember him cleaning our shoes every weekend and leaving them on top of the washer for them to dry. They always looked as if they were brand new.